The helpful, needed work of a sexologist


The sexologist has a difficult job: the very focus of her work is hard for people to talk about. Honest discussions of sex and sexuality – her areas of expertise – are at best circumscribed and at worst forbidden.Talking about sex is usually either shameful, funny, or awkward; rarely can sex (and especially sexual problems) be talked about honestly. Yet sex is of such tremendous spiritual, emotional, and physical importance to many people’s lives that not being able to talk about it often leaves people to navigate their problems alone. This is where the sexologist steps in – she helps people and couples of all sexual proclivities regain control of sex in their lives. Whether confronting difficulties or spicing up an already spicy love life, she can help people better understand the needs of themselves and their partners. Her work reflects her own spiritual and educational journey, and she discusses it below. 

Every time I say I’m a sex therapist, people think I’m in a couple’s bed with them, cheering them on. Which isn’t necessarily untrue, though I’m not actually in the room with them. I do most of my work online, video calls and phone sessions. It’s a sixty-minute session, you get homework, and there are email check-ins between sessions. After a session, I’m thinking a lot about what was talked about and will write a client to give more insight and give suggest more work they can do. I am here to help and encourage everyone to liberate their sexuality.

Sex is such a difficult subject for people to talk about – there’s so much shame and guilt, and we’re taught that we’re just supposed to know how to do it, how to ‘perform,’ how to orgasm. Sometimes its lack of experience and lack of confidence, and other times it does have to do with their past. Maybe there’s trauma. Performance anxiety is one of the biggest sexual concerns. We’re so influenced by movies and porn. People are silently struggling with their sexual experiences. We have to debunk every myth that we carry, and de-condition and critique our inner dialogue about sexuality. In listening to my clients, we listen to what happens in the act of sex from beginning to end. I listen for what is happening in the mind, emotions, body, energy and spirit of my clients, this guides me to find where the client is blocked.

Every couple is different, every person is different. It’s all relative. There are different issues in the trans community, different issues in the lesbian, gay, queer community. I can help ignite a passionate spark in a relationship that will result in deeper intimacy and pleasurable sex. For individuals and couples, sex coaching can help people wake up to the power of sexual energy and bring them into a deep intimate relationship with life. Sometimes the techniques I recommend work for everybody, but mostly I cater to an individual’s needs. I give simple solutions. I give them tools and techniques. Maybe one of the issues is that someone is not the greatest lover, but I can teach techniques to people to boost their confidence. I get to tell people what to do, and I’m really good at that. [Laughs] I give a home assignment every session, whether it’s for self-pleasure, for a couple, or for more than two people. When they go home, they have something to work on.

It saddens me to think that all around there are so many people, and so many partnerships in marriage, that end up sexless. It is very common for couples, especially after having children, to feel like they are in a relay race all day, often forgetting that they were once a romantic, sexual, and passionate couple. This is one of the most common sexual concerns people have, and why they seek out my services – there is no more sex in their partnership, or it’s rare, or one partner has a higher desire than the others. There is no typical explanation for the disparity.

For the person who has less interest, I work with them to find out why. Have they always had lesser interest? Do they want more than what they are experiencing? Some people have low desire but want to have sex more, so we’ll refer them to have their hormones checked. Hormones in food and plastics affect people and can affect sexuality. We’re finding more and more that there are lower testosterone levels in men, whereas four years ago it was reversed. We look at physical issues, medical issues. Medication is a big factor in sexuality. SSRIs are a major libido killer. You can’t just take someone off their medication, so we’ll work with them to regain their libido or help them have a satisfying sexual experience even when desire is at its lowest. Some people have naturally low desire, and that’s OK too.

I think sexuality can be terrifying. It’s a very lonely, isolating experience to grapple with whatever concern you have, especially when we are raised with parents who never talk about it, with no sex education, or abstinence only education. It is something that is not acceptable to talk about in our culture, especially in religious communities. You are not supposed to talk about sexuality or sex or orgasm, at all.

So many people are embarrassed or ashamed to talk about how they are feeling sexually. Often, we have shame around what we desire. Many people are ashamed to have particular fantasies or desire something outside of what is considered ’normal.’ I encourage my clients to embrace their sexuality, whatever what form it takes, as long as it is healthy, harmless to everyone involved, and between consensual adults. My job is to give them permission to do it. And usually, most people really need that permission. “You’re normal, your desire is OK, and if everyone is doing it in a healthy, consensual way, there’s nothing wrong with it,” even though everything else in society tells you there’s something wrong with it, or even diagnoses you with a disorder.

I always knew I wanted to be a therapist, and I was always very interested in relationships. I’ve always been fascinated with relationships because I didn’t know how to be in one. I didn’t know how to do it. I knew how to have sex but I didn’t necessarily know how to cultivate intimacy, longevity, and trust.

I did a three years master’s program at Berkeley, and that was for Marriage and Family Therapy. I saw individuals and couples when I began working. I did a depression group for years. I felt like I was just getting my big toe wet, like I was on to something but it wasn’t quite what I wanted to do. Then I started a PhD program in Los Angeles, also for Marriage and Family Therapy. In marriage and family therapy, there would be no extensive training in sexuality. We would help couples communicate and mediate in divorce, but we weren’t heavily trained in actual sexual concerns and issues. I went through two programs and there was never any talk about sex. Most psychotherapists and psychologists do not have extensive sexuality training, but when I started working as a therapist, sex was a big concern.

But it was through this program that I met my current mentor and trainer, Dr. Patty Britton, a world-renowned sexologist and sex educator. I started to train with her, and I did my certification through her in Clinical Sexology.

Dr. Britton was one of the first sex-positive doctors. She didn’t pathologize sexual problems; there were no “dysfunctions.” In the 90s there was the whole movement concerning men’s sexual dysfunction, founded and funded by the pharmaceutical company so they could promote Viagra and Cialis. And now they have a new movement for women’s sexual dysfunction, and a related drug. As a Sexologist, I am very weary of these drugs for a few reasons. For one, the Viagra-type drugs for men are simply to help sustain an erection, they do not generate erections. A man who has trouble getting an erection in the first place would not benefit from these types of drugs, but these drugs are marketed in such a way that leads men to believe otherwise.

I think with men, it’s often about performance and being able to please, and penis size. Usually with men, there’s so much performance anxiety that it causes them not to get an erection. Usually, that’s in the mind. Sexologists get to where their concern is – is it in the body? Is there low testosterone? Is there something we can do with hormone therapy? Is it in the mind, emotions, stemming from childhood? A lot of times men who come in with delayed ejaculation, it has to do with not trusting their partner. It has to do with something about the relationship outside of the bedroom. They are not comfortable entering into someone else.

I found that through the conversations I was having with women, they didn’t feel like it was their right to enjoy and receive and give as much pleasure as they wanted to. If you get married, that’s it. The women I talked to felt like, “well, you get married, then sex kind of ends, especially when you have children,” or you’d only have sex every couple of months after you have kids. But the power that women hold with their own sexuality is extremely powerful. Once a woman comes into her sexuality and has the power to give herself an orgasm and be responsible for her own orgasms, it is so liberating. We don’t want to empower women to have that ability, to be liberated.

But I think I’ve gained a lot more compassion for men as well. I don’t think I realized the emotional depth to which they thought about and worried about and had anxiety about giving pleasure and that being enough for someone. Now I feel that our society doesn’t allow men to access that emotional component. But I don’t think men are going to be able to talk about this until their penis stops working. If your penis is working, and you’re getting off, there’s no problem. They’re not going to see themselves the way they potentially could if something goes wrong. If you’re not a spiritual seeker and you aren’t trying to experience your full self, then you’re not going to look [for something that’s missing] if nothing’s going wrong. That’s the way our culture is set up.

When you can open up to sexual desires, whether you’re with a partner or by yourself, you get to know yourself in a really deep way. If you’re secure in a partnership or in a group relationship, if you can share that with others, there is a very, very deep intimacy that can arise from that kind of connection. You are giving yourself in sex. You are allowing yourself to be entered, or enter yourself into another person. There is nothing more intimate.

For me, sex was my gateway into understanding humans and human behavior and how we relate. I learned and got so much information through my sexual experiences. As a young adult, I remember learning about pleasure and sex and being completely fascinated that I could potentially contain a super power. I was able to see the connection between spirituality and sex and I was determined to incorporate sex into my spiritual path. I was able to heal myself and I uncovered a wealth of energy and knowledge around sexuality.

I have an understanding and non-judgmental view in religious communities with regards to sex and relationships. Having been raised in a Jewish community, I wanted to understand how religion, spirituality and sex fit together. I understand the complications that may arise with sex and relationships within a religion. Although there are challenges and hurdles with sex and intimacy, I can help people find pleasure and sexual fulfillment within a religious structure.

Speaking again on the spiritual side of things – I’m also a yoga teacher – it plays to the energetic systems of the body. Once you have orgasms on a regular basis or simply just cultivate sexual energy in the body, you have a tremendous amount of vitality. If you are not exercising your sexual organs, they atrophy. Once you start to re-engage in sex and orgasm – no matter what kind of sex you’re having – you regain a tremendous amount of energy, and life force. Use it or lose it!

I think when someone gains control over their sexuality, there is nothing more empowering. I focus clients to feel comfortable talking about their sexuality. Sex coaching is not sex therapy. The past will come up, but we don’t do any deep therapy work around the past. We acknowledge it and see where problems come from, but I try to stay in the present and move to the future. While sex therapy delves deep into the past, sex coaching is solution focused and result driven. Sex coaching is not just about processing feelings, it is also about finding concrete answers to keep a person moving forward and reaching their sexual and intimacy goals.  As a sex coach, I am dedicated to helping people make changes in their lives as quickly as they would like to change.

I haven’t seen a pedophile. To be quite honest, I would refer out if I saw someone with those tendencies. It’s not my area of specialty and I just don’t have the capacity for it. Bestiality, I understand, I have less judgment. I know where my boundaries are. Thoughts are different than actions. If they are acting on something illegal, I’m obligated to report them. But if they are thoughts, illegal thoughts that harm people or animals in some way, I help them not act on them. Thoughts are OK, actions are not. Violent fantasies are actually pretty common. Rape fantasies are very common, more common than you’d think. I absolutely deal with those. If someone wants to play out their fantasy in real life, I can help them do that in a safe way. I can teach them how to get the experience with someone who knows boundaries and safety. There’s a way to set up any fantasy. It may not be exactly what they are looking for, but I can help them.

From what I have gathered, there aren’t many Sexologists in Ohio. But now I feel like there are more and more people seeking this kind of help. They realize they have a choice, and that they don’t want to live the unfulfilling [sexual] life that they’re living. Perhaps there wasn’t ever passion [in someone’s relationship], and they think it’s too late to discover it. But once the conversation starts, then maybe we start to feel more empowered to look at our own lives and make those changes.

I have a lot of anxiety going to parties where I don’t know people, because I don’t really know how to start a conversation. But once someone brings up my profession, it’s the most fun thing because everyone wants to talk about sex but can’t just bring it up. I can answer questions and talk about what I do and it’s totally comfortable.

I sort of don’t care what people think of me. For personal and scientific reasons, I could think about and talk about and look at sex all day, every day for the rest of my life and I’d be the happiest person on earth. This is my path – it feels so right, I know that I’m meant to do this work. I know that I’ve helped people and helped couples and partnerships. I’m pretty straightforward and say it like it is. Some people are going to really like that, and some people are going to think I’m the devil coming to town.

I understand how important it is to have a healthy sex life, whether you’re alone or with other people. I want people to know there is no normal, or that everything’s normal. Everybody has sexual concerns. Everybody. So let’s just start the conversation. Everybody’s got their issues. It’s beautiful to watch people come into their sexuality. Healthy sexuality makes for a healthy human being!

This post originally appeared in an abbreviated form at the Yellow Springs News.


I am a professional book indexer


I, like most people, was taken aback when I heard that Grant writes the indexes for books for a living. I often wondered how an index came together, and I was worried that I might have to write the indexes for my own books. But it is freelancers like Grant who do the dirty work of going through books and picking out the terms that make up the index. His vocation puts him into contact with all kinds of interesting texts, but the nature of his work makes for a particular way of reading them.

If you go to a history book and you just want to read about the Gettysburg Address, go to the index and look up “Gettysburg Address.” That’s what an index is. I make that. I read the book and pull out the things that go into the index, and I write the index.

I read a book about indexing years and years ago, and the author said an index is a map to the information. It’s a matter of thinking about what the subject is. I read the introduction before I get started, if the book has one, where the author will give you the scope of the book, why they wrote about the subject and some of the big ideas, highlighting the key concepts that come up. I try to get these concepts into my head. A brief look at the table of contents helps. And then I put it aside and begin indexing the first chapter.

One thing you have to be able to do when things get complicated is to shove away a lot of the ancillary arguments and conversations the author gets into. You’ve got to really be able to focus on the key concepts. In some ways, you’re purposefully ignoring a lot of what the author is saying, cause you can’t index every little nuance. That’s not your job – you’re not recreating the book, not getting into the nitty-gritty.

It’s almost like you’re reading for an exam. You’re getting the concepts and you’re processing a whole lot of information without having to understand all the ins and outs. A good indexer can index books they don’t understand thoroughly. I’ve done books like that before, like chemistry books, which can get pretty tricky. Some philosophy is really hard to wrap your mind around. You don’t have to quite understand it all. You have to know they’re talking about “being” and “truth,” or note when they reference [it conjunction with] Kierkegaard or something like that, but the relationship between being and truth is not something you have to explain to someone.

Folks are always really curious about it, I gotta say. When I tell people about it, the universal reaction almost always is, “Wow, I never thought about that before, that someone’s got to do that.” The other thing people ask is, “Can’t computers do that? Is there a software program you use?” And they’re thinking that I use a program where I type in a few words or concepts and then the program scans the text. It doesn’t work like that. I have to put all of that information in by hand. But there is an indexing computer program that I’ve been using for years. I originally got it when it was DOS back in the 90s. It’s a very specialized word processing software that’s specifically designed to create an index. But there’s no text scanning – I type everything in. I make the decision what references go in. Every line, every page reference has to go in by hand.

I type in a main term, “Lincoln, Abraham” and then “Birth of” and the page reference. Then I type in another one. The program puts all that together automatically into alphabetical order. It interleaves everything, but I can manipulate that index with a few keystrokes. I can go back and edit, change things around if I decide I don’t like a certain term, etc. It’s an ongoing process of building and refining as you go through the book. But I don’t go back through the book unless it’s incredibly complicated. I read as I index, and I index as I read.

When you’re done with the index, you have an extremely rough draft. Your own spelling mistakes all over the place, concepts might be differently worded or listed under different headings. So I begin the editing process, which takes a day or two, or three, depending on the size of the index, modifying and tightening up, or adding sub-entries if things aren’t in enough detail. That’s how the process goes.

Does the editor or author indicate what they are looking for in an index, or how it should look?

Almost never. Maybe once a year. Maybe once a year someone will give me a list of terms or say they want these concepts in the index.

So it’s essentially left up to your expertise how to phrase or format the index?


Is there any kind of standard or thorough it has to be? Or does reading through the book inform what the ultimate index is supposed to look like?

A little bit of both. There’s a section of the Chicago manual that’s devoted to indexes. If you have an entry, “Lincoln, Abraham,” you don’t want to see that term and then 34 page references. In some indexes you’ll see that – no sub-entries. That’s a really bad index. You see that often, even in big-name books. Maybe the editor did it, an author did it. Or the author had a grad student or is paying someone in the family to do it, or something like that. No professional indexer would do that.

An entry without any subentries should have a maximum of six page references, or twelve numbers indicating six spans of pages. Anything more than that and you’ll have to start building subentries. And to build subentries, you want to build subentries that make sense and include all the things pertinent to that person, name, or concept. That’s what makes a good index.

Publishers have a rule of thumb that five percent of the book is the index. If it’s a 100 page book, there are five pages of index. If it’s a whole lot more than that, you’re doing too much, or if it’s a page and a half, you’re missing something. Five percent should be enough to get all of the information into the index.

You can pretty much tell if it was a professional indexer, an editor, or an author. It’s certain that each indexer will create their own index. They’ll be just as good, but it will be different [from those made by other indexers.]. You see things in different ways, phrase things slightly differently. There should be a great deal of overlap, but no two indexers will create the same index. And that’s not a bad thing.

How would the index of a history text differ from that of a science or philosophy text, if at all?

In terms of the index, probably not much. I go about them the same way. If there’s going to be a lot of information around any concept, whether its “mitosis” or the “Battle of Antietam,” you have to make those entries and subentries meaningful and useful. You apply that same strategy and thinking to any subject you’re reading. You read science differently than you read history, but you’re still trying to produce an index that’s competent for both.

Publishers will contact me, often they have the book in hand or will have it in a week or two. What I get are the final proofs. It’s the very last stage. Once the author approves it, it can go to press.

Once I get the book, I’ll usually have a month to index it. That’s for a book that’s 300 pages or less; your average history book or biography. That’s what most of my projects are. If the book is larger than that, the publishers will give me a little more heads up or give me a little more time to index it. Depending on the complexity and size, it will take me around a week to index a book. I can pretty much average a book a week. I do about forty or fifty books a year – that’s a little more than a week for each project.

It was an absolute non-sequitur getting into indexing. It was total serendipity. I have a degree in botany. I was working in a managing plant research labs at University of Massachusetts Amherst for about five years. There was no place to go, and if I wanted to do anything interesting I was going to have to get a PhD.

I had a friend who I’d gone to school with who was in the same position as me. He loved botany, he was waiting tables, and he lived in Amherst. He mentioned that he knew someone who was a freelance indexer and editor, and he was thinking about learning about indexing as a way to make some extra money. A lightbulb went off – that sounded really interesting. I talked with his friend and taught myself how to do indexes using index cards. They were small projects but I took that work to her for comment and review. She gave me some feedback and said, “Look, I’m going to go out on a limb and ask a guy I know at an academic press if you can index a science text for him.” This was in 1996, and then I just pushed it.

I just networked on my own. I got a digest that lists every publisher in the US and Canada, and I’ve gone through that two or three times in my career, writing every single publisher that produces let’s say 100 nonfiction books per year. I wrote hundreds of letters and emails, and in 1997 I went out on my own. It took me a year to build up enough experience to realize I could do this. With a lot of work and little luck, I realized, I can do this. And it worked out.

I’ve never met another person who does this. Occasionally I’ll meet someone that says they know an indexer. There is a American Society of Indexers that has chapters in lots of states. But I’ve never been a part of it. When I was just starting off, I went to a chapter meeting of ASI in Massachusetts. There were like fifty or sixty people there, but I didn’t feel connected to any of them. We didn’t have much in common. But I think one thing that attracts a lot of people to the job is the independence, and so you don’t get a whole lot of folks that are interested in meeting other indexers. The one meeting I went to, most of the indexers were women, most were middle-aged or older, and most were doing it as a part-time thing. I didn’t have the sense that there were many folks that were doing it full time. They were retired, or their spouse was making enough money, or they had an interest in literature. There are a lot of indexers, but full-time indexers, there probably aren’t that many at all.

The publishing world relies heavily on freelancers. There used to be in-house indexers, in-house designers, in-house copyeditors, but there aren’t anymore. That stuff is all outsourced. It’s cheaper not to have someone in house. There are freelancers everywhere doing this in publishing, and it’s the personal relationships that keep it together. The editor knows that if he’s used this proofreader and this indexer and this copyeditor for years, he can keep going back to the pool of people he’s developed relationships with. I’ve built up a clientele that I’ve worked with for years. Some editors I’ve worked with for close to twenty years at this point.

I’ve met a few editors from a large biology text publisher, but those are the only editors I’ve ever met. Everyone else, I have no idea who they are. There are people I’ve worked with for years and years at the University of Kentucky but I’ve never met any of the editors. But they send me pictures of their kids because I’ve known them for years. There’s a woman at a press in New York City who I’ve worked with since the late 90s – I know about her daughter going to college, but I’ve never met her. It’s gets to be a really personal relationship after all those years.

The downside to that [personal relationship] is when they retire or move on. This has happened numerous times. I’ve had a good relationship with an editor, she leaves, and I’ve lost that press. The person that comes in has their own stable [of indexers]. It’s so personal that if someone leaves, gets sick, retires, there’s no guarantee I’ll keep working for that publisher. On the other hand, I’ve worked for years with the University of Nevada Press, with three different editors, and they keep passing me on.

I get up and usually try to start working immediately. By 7 or 7:30 in the morning I’m at the computer reading. I take multiple breaks during the day and stop by early afternoon. That’s my usual day. I own my own time, and I wouldn’t trade that for anything.

Of course, I have no benefits, no insurance, no vacation. And I rarely know more than a month out if I have work or not. I’ve got a couple of large projects right now, science books, that will go on for two months. That’s some stability, but when I don’t have those, which is fairly frequently, then I often don’t know what I’ll be doing in a month or six weeks. Editors aren’t thinking that far ahead. There’s always that uncertainty. When work comes, you take it. The consequence of that is, you’re overworked, you don’t get enough time off, and there’s a real danger of fatigue, burning yourself out. You’re loathe to say no because you don’t know what else will come up. The other thing is that the relationship you have is with a few presses. I can’t work for twelve presses. You can’t do too much because you’re only one person. But there’s always the concern is that if you say no, or say no a couple of times, they’ll start going with someone else. You want to keep your name up there and active, and the way to do that is to say yes and not no.

I’ll tell you one thing it does – indexing makes you realize how much really bad writing is out there, and what a really good writer is like. I read tens of thousands of pages a year – you get sensitized to what good, clear writing is. It’s such a pleasure [to read writing like that].

A dull book is hard to index. Or a really abstruse book, where the thinking’s really confused or the author is particularly invested in academic language. When the author doesn’t have that kind of clarity, the indexing job is hard.

I get really bored with a lot of books because they just aren’t that well-written. I read a lot of books and I get impatient with murky writing. There are some books out there that are just absolutely horrible. Just because it’s published doesn’t mean the writer’s very good, or that it’s well-edited. Some of it is really sharp and some of its really sloppy. Sometimes the more prestigious the university press, the more pretentious the prose is going to be. If something’s being published by Harvard University Press, then it had better be very dense and filled with lots of jargon and academese and “subtle” points. Just cut through it! The real meat of the book would be the Cliffs Notes version of it.

A well-written book is really easy to index. A well-written history or biography is a joy to index. Because the concepts make sense, they’re logical, the story is clear. What the author is doing, he or she makes really clear, and that makes the indexing really easy. You know PG Wodehouse? I read PG Wodehouse almost exclusively. I read some poetry, I love Raymond Chandler, Wodehouse – anything but something serious. I do that all day long; I’ve no interest in reading something serious. I can’t take a history book. I occasionally read a biography, but it has to be something really special.

Plowing through pedestrian prose – I don’t need to do that. That’s why I love Wodehouse – he’s a genius with writing, a genius as a writer. It’s comedy and it’s silly, but boy, you pay attention to what he’s doing with sentences and words, and it’s imaginative beyond belief. He’s creative at the highest level. Chandler – his prose is his own. That’s why I read now, for the skill of the writer.

This was originally published as a blog post at the Yellow Springs News.

About the Missives from America project

The culture of jobs and the nature of work itself has always fascinated me. Surrounding every job is its own lingo, lore, and unique set of experiences, and ever since coming across Studs Terkel’s Working in high school, I’ve wanted to see what these worlds were like for myself. And so, my working life thus far has primarily been defined by me taking jobs for curiosity’s sake. Sometimes this strategy has worked out well, as I’ve seen and learned a lot of cool/valuable/unique things, but it has also landed me in jobs that have been, to say the least, extremely trying.

But seeing these jobs firsthand wasn’t enough to satisfy my curiosity. I love being taken through the ins-and-outs of someone’s everyday world, and so I took a cue from Working and started recording in-depth interviews with people about their jobs and unique hobbies. My aim is to compile the interviews for a book in the vein of Mr. Terkel’s oral histories, and so far I’ve recorded and transcribed a few dozen of these conversations.

The pieces in this section have been transcribed and rearranged for clarity and organization, but are 100 percent the interviewee’s own words (except where obviously indicated). Some focus on the minutia of day-to-day life at X gig, while others explore the emotional ramifications of a job or the life circumstances that led them to it. Most do both.

I am interested in speaking with anyone in practically any field for this book. Please feel free to get in touch and we can go from there!


“Podcast of Interest”: Columbus’ True Crime Garage is a killer hit

This profile originally appeared in (614) Magazine and was published in the February 2018 issue.

In the corner of a cold bar, the walls echo with discussions of suspicion, deceit, and general human malevolence. The two men producing these echoes sip their drinks, hats pulled tight over their heads, their speech steeled by eerily extensive knowledge of murder and mayhem.

These two men aren’t plotting a crime—although they have no last name as far as the author knows. No, they’re carrying on their favorite hobby—one that has turned into a career—which is breathing new life into cases long forgotten, and rarely solved.

These two men are Nic and The Captain, and from a two-car garage they’ve built an unlikely empire on the unlucky—and in the process become de facto experts in a sordid field.

As it turns out, Nic and The Captain aren’t the only two “true crime dorks” out there. Their weird shared conversations became the foundation for True Crime Garage, now one of the most downloaded podcasts of its genre, swimming in the same sea as My Favorite Murder and Serial, riding the wave that started splashing down a few years back with Making a Murderer and The Jinx.

Nowadays, the grisly stories ripped from the headlines aren’t being portrayed by shoddy reenactments on TV—they’re being combed through by average, everyday dudes.

The pair has logged more than 200 episodes since they began in 2015, and today the show ranks as one of the most well regarded podcasts of the genre, winning acclaim from “casuals” and serious enthusiasts alike. The two didn’t set out to become leading voices in the true crime world, but they have readily adapted to a job that includes the responsibilities of investigators, journalists, and storytellers.

And in “re-opening” some of these cases—and with the powerful platform their popularity has endowed them—they’re helping to keep unsolved cases alive. They’re often in regular contact with victims’ families and work to expand the available information about a case in an effort to bring loved ones home. 

“In true crime, you often know who did the murder, but you don’t know who the victim was,” The Captain said. “We want to extend that respect to the family.”

By dint of their hard work, the podcast has become more than a passion project. True Crime Garage, which did in fact start in a sweltering and freezing garage, is now financially successful enough that the hosts have taken true crime full-time.

Close friends their whole lives—playing on the same elementary sports teams and later getting drunk in each other’s garage—TCG dates all the way back to two school kids carrying on strange conversations. The Captain recalls being on the bus in elementary school and hearing Nic and friend talk endlessly about Unsolved Mysteries, and that he later wrote lyrics about Law and Order for a band they were in. Makes more sense when you realize their fathers are detectives—something the comes in handy when researching for the show.

It could be that respectful experience that drives Nic and The Captain to avoid a true crime pitfall, in which programs often seem like exploitation. Nic admires authors like Ohio’s James Renner, who not only writes about cases but invests himself in uncovering new information. Similarly, they wanted their show to add something to each case.

“From the beginning, [Nic] wanted everything to be as accurate as possible, and to leave out information if it can’t be verified,” The Captain said. “He takes his job very seriously.”

While true crime exploded as a genre, the boys were still shocked by their sudden popularity—especially when their unpolished first shows reached nearly 10,000 downloads.

Fittingly, it was a local story that really put True Crime Garage on the map. Episodes 16 and 17 focused on Brian Shaffer, an OSU student who disappeared from Ugly Tuna Saloona in March 2006 and was never seen again. As The Captain recalls, the number of listeners skyrocketed after the episodes were published, as they provided the first truly extensive look into the crime.

“It’s actually weird how much the case has done for us,” The Captain said. “I hope we’ve done something for it.” (The Shaffer episodes remain some of the most downloaded of the show.)

Those episodes provided a turning point for the podcast in other ways, too. TCG has always tried to bolster their reporting with a tremendous amount of research—no article, documentary, police report, or local news coverage goes unturned, Nic says, but their approach in this case led them beyond the library. The Captain took to exploring the South Campus Gateway complex personally, taking photos of buildings and filming himself retracing Shaffer’s last known steps. They even followed up on a tip about a body recovered in one of the Great Lakes that fit the description of Shaffer. (It was later determined to be someone else.)

Putting all of this information together in a cogent, linear program serves a larger purpose, Nic said. It creates a sort of information clearinghouse that allows the average person to stay on top of a case, which will in turn hopefully lead to a break. For that reason, it is not uncommon for family members of the disappeared to get in touch with tips and information. The father of Joey LaBute, for example, who went missing in Columbus in March, 2016, reached out in gratitude for what the show did to popularize his son’s case.

“I prefer to cover unsolved disappearances—it’s sad when someone is ripped out of this world and you Google their name and nothing comes up,” Nic said. “To hear from relatives that you covered someone’s case well, that’s really the best email you can get.”

Things continue to look up for True Crime Garage in 2018. A new season is in the works; they renewed contracts for a year of steady advertisements, and there are plans to visit a few true crime conventions. There have even been discussions about converting the podcast to a visual medium. Many people have aspirations of doing creative projects with friends for a living; True Crime Garage’s DIY success shows that it can be done, and that it can be more than entertainment in the process. But while they get plenty of offers to sponsor the show or help with merchandise, thus far they’ve spearheaded their own success and are comfortable doing things on their own terms.

“When we started, we were just seeing if we could do it,” The Captain said. “My advice for people just starting out is to do an episode a week, do it for a year, and don’t expect a dime. But if you focus on the actual content, everything else will follow.”


Why many of today’s adults don’t want kids

Originally published in What’s Up Weekly (El Paso) on Jan. 24, 2018.

The traditional approach to adulthood involves going to college, getting married and having kids, usually in that order. But the times are a-changin.’

Many young people are questioning this prescribed life path, and specifically the notion that adulthood entails having kids of your own. According to a number of El Pasoans in their 20s and 30s, millennials are becoming increasingly comfortable with the decision to not become parents.

The allure of more free time and more disposable income and concern for the state of the Earth has helped many young adults overcome pressure from friends and family to become parents. It has also helped them become more vocal about their own autonomy to choose the life they want.

While having kids in your 20s is still the prevailing idea, enough people are choosing not to have kids that it has reshaped future U.S. demographics.

A 2015 report released by the Urban Institute found that between 2007 and 2012, the birthrates among women in their 20s declined by more than 15 percent.

For some people, not wanting kids is an innate feeling, something they just know irrespective of life’s other considerations.

Nathan Bertelsen, 32, of Las Cruces, said he grew up with a vague feeling that he’d probably have kids someday. But as time passed, he realized it wasn’t something he put too much thought into or was actively planning for. And since nobody in his immediate family has kids, he hasn’t felt much pressure to rethink his position.

“A lot of it comes down to questions of personal stability,” Bertelsen said. “But from a young age, I’ve always related to adults more anyway.”

El Pasoan Anaka Prado likewise attributes her lack of interest in having kids to an innate feeling, but she feels she is “louder and prouder” about her desire to live kid-free than most. Prado, 36, is part of a Facebook group called “Child-free by Choice,” in which she and her compatriots talk about how lucky they are to be able to “buy and do whatever they want” without having to take anyone else into account.

Prado considered having kids when she was younger, but said this interest evaporated when she moved away from El Paso and saw that there was a huge world to experience. She is planning a trip to London in the fall and feels the trip would not have been possible had she been a parent.

“I’m borderline militant [about not becoming a parent],” Prado said. “I’ve heard so many people talk about what they would have done differently if they hadn’t had kids.”

Lorely Rodriguez and Ricardo Jimenez, an El Paso couple in their late 20s, were on the fence about having kids but are now fairly confident it’s not for them. The challenge of being parents was secondary to growing their own relationship.

“There was a mutual understanding that we were going to establish our relationship before thinking about kids or even marriage,” Jimenez said.

Their decision was helped by how easily they could read different perspectives on parenthood, an option missing to parents from generations past.

“Thanks to the internet, people are more knowledgeable about what having kids is actually like,” Jimenez said, and are thus better able to gauge how much they actually want to undertake the challenge of parenthood.

“We’re really trying to enjoy ourselves. Our parents didn’t give themselves time to enjoy who they are,” Rodgriguez added.

Whatever the reason, the hesitation to have kids is reflected in millennial birthing trends. Data collected by the World Bank shows that the U.S. fertility rate was 1.84 births per woman in 2015 and are now on par with the lowest birthrates since the late 1970s. (The peak was in 1960, with 3.65 births per woman.)

“People are finally realizing that it’s not for everybody,” said Cynthia Evans, an artist from El Paso, who is sure she never wants kids. “People need to make their own choices about their lives and bodies.”

Nevertheless, almost everyone interviewed for this article says they constantly have to defend their decision to family members, and often to their peers as well. But the pressure doesn’t stop there. Evans said she is aghast at how often her personal decisions about her own body are second-guessed by complete strangers. She recalls doctors who have refused to give her a tubal ligation – commonly referred to as “having tubes tied” – or who question her male friends about getting vasectomies.

Evans’ decision to be childless is not something she takes lightly and is in fact bolstered by what she considers serious moral considerations. She doesn’t want to have kids in an overpopulated world with diminishing resources.

“I’m a big supporter of quality of life over quantity. Be a foster parent or adopt – there are already so many children without homes,” she said. “And it seems cruel to bring more people into a country under the Trump administration.”

On the other hand, sometimes the choice is not quite as philosophical. Tavo Vielma, 38, of El Paso, doesn’t want to be a father in large part because kids gross him out. He has nine nephews and appreciates being able to step away from his young family members as soon as the situation gets too snotty or loud.

“Children are gross,” Vielma said. “And the persistent, unnecessary noise drives me up the wall.”

Relative grossness aside, Vielma says his family members often worry about him being lonely in old age. But Vielma offers a different take on this concern.

“Worse than being alone would be having your kid not want to talk to you,” he said.

With that out of the way, Vielma said that at the core, his decision is all about being able to do whatever he wants to do, whenever he wants to do it. It’s a sentiment echoed by everyone who chooses to be child-free and an outlook that doesn’t require a lot of looking back.

“I’m very proud not to have kids,” Vielma said. “I’m very happy with my life.”

For 38-year-old El Paso native Rebecca Diaz, both she and her husband of 15 years were on the same page about not having kids. Unlike many married couples, they have parents who support their decision.

“No one has pressured us,” Diaz said. “My mom had a lot of kids. There are four of us. My mom told me, ‘I love you guys, but don’t have kids unless you want to and you’re ready,’ and I took her for her word.”

Diaz, who now lives in Colorado and works for a nonprofit, said that not having kids made it easier for her and her husband to relocate for better job opportunities. Her husband’s career transferred them to Kansas and Colorado so far, but other possibilities have included Las Vegas and Thailand.

A former teacher, Diaz said she enjoys children, but that she doesn’t need to have some of her own in order to feel fulfilled.

“If you keep your life fulfilled with things that you want to do, then you don’t get that sense of regret,” she said. “You can find that fulfillment through other ways. You can find it by teaching. You can find it by volunteering, by being with your community.”


Collectively Reaching


Local game developer designs ‘A Duel Hand Disaster’

Originally published in What’s Up Weekly (El Paso) on June 21, 2017.

For El Paso native Jaycee Salinas, video games, technology and music are “the lifeblood of any creative mind.”

This is a maxim Salinas knows very well, as his own creative mind has consistently brimmed with endeavors in each of these fields. But one pursuit in particular has been his obsession for the past two years: Salinas has dedicated most of his free time to developing, designing, programming and marketing his own video game, which he is scheduled to release sometime this year.

The game is called “A Duel Hand Disaster: Trackher,” and in gamer parlance, it’s a “split screen, single player, twin stick risk ‘em up.” In other words, the game puts the player in control of two spaceships simultaneously, with the object to shoot enemies and rack up high scores. The concept is relatively simple but is designed to get you hooked – a throwback to the games he loved growing up.

“It’s like playing Galaga and Pac-Man at the same time,” Salinas said about the game.

Salinas will be releasing the game through Ask An Enemy Studios, his own gaming imprint that also serves as a record label. In many ways, the ability to design and self-publish a game is a sign of the times. Salinas, 35, loved playing games like Metal Gear Solid and Mortal Kombat, whose imaginative characters and gameplay filled him with ideas for games of his own. However, game design technology was such that only professional studios with healthy cash reserves could undertake such a task.

Salinas’ childhood dreams were put on hold until a few years ago when game-making technology evolved to the point that one could create complex, graphically-impressive videogames from a home computer. And networks like Steam and Xbox One allow fledgling designers to put their games online for purchase and download, reaching gamers around the world.

“The design tools are way more complex, but easier to use,” Salinas said.

“A Duel Hand Disaster” has been a labor of love, and Salinas is justifiably proud that he has created the game completely on his own terms. He dropped out of video game design school, where he said many of the classes involved designing games using programs like Word, Excel and PowerPoint instead of heavy-duty development tools like the Unreal Engine.

“College was a complete waste of time,” he writes bluntly on the game’s website. “I wanted to make video games, not listen to people lecture about pointless bullshit and work on assignments that weren’t teaching me a damn thing about game design. I left before I went insane.”

At this point, Salinas has put in two years of solid work on the game. He would come home from his day job and get down to business on the game for the rest of the night, he said, and would work on it all weekend as well.

Salinas also takes it upon himself to hype the game. He recently showed the game at the Electronic Entertainment Expo, or E3, the premier industry event of the gaming world. Attendees were able to come up and play the game, after which Salinas solicited their feedback. He’s been showing the game at similar events throughout the U.S. for the past two years and said that such unbiased input is crucial to fine-tuning the game. Well-meaning friends and family tend to avoid saying anything critical about the project, Salinas said.

“Events like E3 have helped me mold the game and pay attention to its plusses and minuses,” he said.

At the present, the game is about 85-90 percent done, and Salinas plans to release it to the gaming networks for public consumption sometime this year. He has ideas for future games, but for now, “A Duel Hand Disaster” is taking up all of his time. However, his drive and autodidactic approach to doing the thing he loves keeps the creative momentum moving forward.

“This goes to show that if you’re willing to take responsibility for your decisions, anything is possible,” Salinas said. “The ability is there – make games, not excuses.”